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Search Results 0 to 10 of about 11 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Oct 26, 2012 7:00pm PDT
'm an army man. >> stephen: and this has nothing to do with saving private ryan? >> no, stephen, it's just affordable spooky time fun. thank you for your service, kid. >> stephen: okay, scram. tom, looks like i owe you an apology. >> yes, yes, you do, stephen. >> stephen: well, i doubted your sincerity. >> what is the deal, hanks? (cheers and applause) what are you doing here? >> what am i doing here? you asked me to come down here. you said it was for charity! and then you shove me out of the way-- i got better things to do, you know. i could be drunk right now in a movie theatre, heckling argo. (cheers and applause) you know, i have-- ooh, candy. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: tom, is there anything you would like to say? >> yes, stephen. go see cloud atlas. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: tom hanks, everybody. (cheers and applause) thank you very much. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight has written a book called keeping the republic, saving america by trusting americans. personally i would have put a little more america in the title. please welcome governor mitch
Comedy Central
Oct 31, 2012 11:30pm PDT
'll be rescued by private-sector volunteers like paul ryan who will personally come to your devastated town and wash your already-clean pots. (laughter) we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much! folks, you know, when a disaster like hurricane sandy strikes, people are in desperate need of any kind of comfort and in this increasingly secular and cynical age too often our communities and churches can't provide it. thankfully in times of trial we always have donald trump's twitter feed. (laughter) you may recall last week when trump made this generous offer. >> if barack obama opens up and gives his college records and applications and if he gives his passport applications and recordsly give to a charity of his choice a check immediately for $5 million. one caveat. the records must be given by october 31 at 5:00 in the afternoon. >> stephen: now that heartwarming act of extortion got lost in the massive human tragedy of this storm. and trump is no monster, folks, he knows people are suffering too much right now to pay attention to his ho
Comedy Central
Nov 1, 2012 11:30pm PDT
that paul ryan likes to shoot deer with handguns. and when he finds out who leaked that to the media that deer is going to get it. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcomed to report, everybody! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen slarm stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) nation, thank you so much. i am so happy you're all here with me in the wake of hurricane sandy. countedless people are still struggling. and before we go on i would like to address the millions in the tristate area without power. and i'm going to talk a little louder right now because i know their tvs aren't working. (laughter) power challenged nation, please put down the peanut butter are you licking out of your mousetrap and just listen up for a minute. i want to you hang in there. the national guard is assisting the jersey shore. governor chris christie and president obama have been strategizing together on the cleanup. and joe biden i
Search Results 0 to 10 of about 11 (some duplicates have been removed)